HANDFUL of HARE
by LadyBow8
Summary: When Hare starts missing tea parties, staying out all night, and pulling questionable dance moves, Hatter sets out to discover his secret and is quite alarmed with the discovery.


**HANDFUL of HARE**

Chapter One

Hatter begrudgingly took a seat at the end of the tea table, sliding his tongue around inside his mouth and rolling his eyes back. While he eyed the sunset, he took a sip of his tea without really thinking and swallowed discontentedly, then set it back down and pushed away the plate. After staring long and hard at the empty chair next to him, he rose again, about to exclaim something when there came his friend at the gate, tugging at the collar of his coat and grinning like nothing was wrong.

"Hey Ha-"

"_**Hare**_," Hatter cut him off.

"Y..Yes?"

"This is the third night in a row you've been late to the secret 8:00 tea party! _Eight-_'o'clock!"

"I know, but-"

"Not eight'o'five, not eight fifteen, not, well in this case, eight thirty-sevennn..." He accentuated every syllable and loomed stiff over Hare, clutching his pocket watch like a stress-ball. Hare curled up his fingers in front of his chest and sighed guiltily. When they met eyes, Hatter's shoulders sagged. He could think of nothing else to do but retreat to his chair and lean back wistfully. Hare sauntered to his side and fidgeted.

"...I'm sorry, Hatter." Hatter puckered his lower lip and looked off in another direction. "It was just... m-my mother called when I was heading out the door, and..." He tried to laugh. "You know how she is." When he got little to no reaction, he lifted up his coat and pulled out a box. "... I brought cookies!"

Finally, Hatter turned to him. He thought a moment, then sighed raggedly.

"Thanks, pal." Hare set the box on the table and hurried to the tea pot.

"Oh, goodness, this tea's all cold!"

"Gee, I wonder why."

"I'll go put it in the microwave."

"It's not as good that way."

"I know, but we have to make do... besides... the tea isn't my favorite part of our tea parties anyway..." He hurried to the "in" door with the pot in hand.

"Oh? Then what is?" He stopped halfway behind the door and hesitated. Hatter rose his eyebrows expectantly.

"...You." He disappeared.

"..._Thanks for making me feel guilty..._" He said to himself aloud. "_...Jerk._"

He found himself smiling and crossed his arms, trying to pretend he was still angry over the occasion. The truth was it was rather hard to stay mad at Hare. The guy did his laundry for God's sake, and his dishes, and brought him cookies... He leaned forward and inspected them. _"M&M's, sweet!_" He thought. Hatter loved giant M&M cookies. Instinctively, he picked one out and started munching.

A moment later, Hare returned with the pot and plucked Hatter's cup from in front of him and dumped it over his shoulder, then re-poured for the both of them.

"There you go, Crumpet."

"Crumpets? We're all out."

"...I know, that's why I brought the cookies."

Hatter didn't seem to catch on.

"Nevermind."

"...So, what did your mother have to say that was so important?"

"Well..." Hare darted his eyes around. He went for a cookie and stuffed it in his mouth, his response muffled and incoherent. Hatter waited for him to swallow, a tad suspicious. "Oh, the usual. How the weather is, how the cats are doing... oh! And she said she sent me coupons for free scones!" Hare bit his lip and nodded, surprised he was able to bullshit that well.

"Oh, Hare... like you need any more scones..." Hatter offhandedly replied, smiling to himself. Hare's face suddenly dropped.

"...What does that mean?"

"Uh... well, it's just... you've got so many of those coupons. We cut them out every week. And only half go to tea parties... so..."

"So what?"

"I... _oh god_..."

"What?!"

"Hare, don't get sensitive about that, I was just kidding around."

"We've been over this before, Hatter! My doctor says I'm in healthy weight range! Lots of people have pudge! I'm sorry I'm not shaped like a Greek god like you are-"

"-_I'm_ shaped like a Greek god?"

"I-" Hare covered his mouth. "No."

Hatter laughed sharply under his breath and wet his lip.

"The point is that I'm happy with my weight and so are lots of other people."

"I hate to break it to you, but Rabbit's been hitting the exercycle-"

"I'm not talking about Rabbit! He's never complimented my weight!- Come to think of it, he's never really complimented _anything_ about me personally... But that's fine. _That's why I have the club_..."

"What?"

Hare's posture straightened abruptly.

"Nothing, nothing at all." He grinned unconvincingly. Hatter wouldn't look away from him so he grabbed the box in between them and shook it under his nose. "Cookie?"


End file.
